what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
