i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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