A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
