I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
