You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
