I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
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