I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize