i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
