In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
