Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
