Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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