I cannot find my penis.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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