your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
