So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
