I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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