Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
