there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
