drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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