My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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