Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
