yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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