I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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