The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
