Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you didnt know i had herpes?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
