dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize
