I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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