You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
