My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
