I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
What drink are we having for lunch?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
