Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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