I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hippo gnu deer
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
