You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
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It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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