Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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