hell yes lets make some ravioli
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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