physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
