Duck Duck Cougar?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
