Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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