I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's blow job season.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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