Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?