Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
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She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
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Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.