Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."