he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.