My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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