So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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