Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
