i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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