what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
