I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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