Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
