Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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