peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
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I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
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you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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