I am spending my child support on dildos
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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