I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my shit smells like andre
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
