Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
