It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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