i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
