I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My nipple is on Facebook.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
