Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
