I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
