i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
