I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
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DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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