i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
