So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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