Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
