If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
