Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
