I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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